Learning Outcome 1: Writing as a Recursive Process

Summary- The process of writing as a recursive process requires the ability to make changes in the content and organization of a writing project and, posses the ability to carefully read sources and use that information.

1)Changes to an introduction to better frame the project establish the conversation and sources in play, and articulate how the student’s thesis contributes to that conversation

What is a Discourse ? A Discourse is the way you live,dress,act it’s everything you do even when you think nobody is watching. A Discourse is a way of life depending on what Discourse you wish to choose. Unlike other things in life you can acquire multiple Discourses you learn off of other Discourses. A occupational Discourse is how people act in the working world. You must learn different Discourses for the job you wish to get. The occupation of Coaching is a very hard and complex thing to master. This is why there isn’t many “Elite” Coaches. This Discourse has the complexity of no other due to the nature of the game. Not only do Coaches need to know the game they need to be very sociable people.By the end of reading this you should have a better understanding of the Coaching Discourse and How Bill Belichick got to where he is now.

A)This is my Coaching Discourse paper introduction draft. I was given feedback by my peers.

How well does the opening of the essay work to introduce readers to a fairly narrow set of questions to be answered (or claims to be supported) about how to enter an occupational discourse community and to initiate a line of explanation?Josh Perez – The opening of the paragraph was pretty good. I noticed your claims towards the end of the paragraph, but I feel like you could include more information about what questions are going to be looked at about discourse. Also you mention the different types of discourses that will be mentioned in the essay.

B)For the gist of it Josh said that I should include more information on the questions that are going to be look at throughout the reading. This also helps state and later prove my thesis correct. I also received similar feedback from Professior Grumbling as well.

C)This is my revised introduction below.

Coaching Discourse

The occupation of Coaching is a very hard and complex thing to master. This is why there aren’t many “Elite” Coaches. This Discourse has the complexity of no other due to the nature of the game. Not only do Coaches need to know the game, they need to be very sociable people. There is a certain way of life you need to live to be a Coach. This certain way of life is an example of what James Paul Gee calls a Discourse. According to Gee, A Discourse is, the way you live, dress, act it’s everything you do in a certain group. A Discourse is a way of life. An occupational Discourse is how people act in a certain job inside that particular Discourse. You must learn different Discourses for the job you wish to get. As a result I argue that the most effective strategy for overcoming misjudgement by using related but incorrect secondary Discourse is to acquire a Mentor to help you stay focused and on task. By the end of reading this you should have a better understanding of the Coaching Discourse and How Bill Belichick got to where he is now.

2)Reorganization of paragraphs to move more effectively

A)Below is a body paragraph from my Coaching Discourse draft

Gee believes you first need to be an apprentice of the Discourse, and spend time learning under a master of the Discourse (7 ). To gain a better understanding of the Discourse to see what it takes to be where they are. Mastering a Discourse is very difficult to do at first. There are some things of a discourse that you cannot get at first. Gee says that ”Discourses are connected with displays of identity:failing to fully display an identity tantamount to announcing you don’t have that identity, that at best you’re a pretender or beginner.”(9-10). In Bill Belichick’s case was acquiring the discourse of being a coach as a kid every day by just being around football as much as he was. By the age of 6 he was attending Navy practices with his father who was a Coach at the time. Belichick was getting game reports after every game ,and study the plays so he could have an better understanding of them. At age 10 he was going to recruiting trips with his dad learning all about the recruiting process. At a young age reasonability and wisdom was installed in him.With the information given to Belichick at such a young age, Gee would call this an example of primary Discourse, which is the first Discourse you learn. This is a reason why he is who he is today. He started being a coach and an appurtenance of one at a very young age like how appertains were in the medieval times.Belichick was taught the discourse of being a coach at a young age and this is why he can wear that costume so well. Football is the way of life that Belichick knows. In a way Belichick was wearing the cut off hoodie at the age of six. The hoodie Is the costume and how he acts and talks is part of the discourse. Due to the fact that Bill Belichick was coaching at such a young age the discourse of coaching is his main discourse and he lives and breathes it every day. By the time he was able to become a Coach he was more then ready for the task on hand. He had years of prior experience and practice. In Belichicks case he was surrounded by masters of his discourse his father was one of many of them. Due to the fact that his father was a coach most of his friends were also masters of the discourse of coaching. With this said the only thing Belichick could learn as a young man was coaching and the game of football. The social practices that Belichick was taught was to be respectful,grateful and to be responsible. He was taught this because this is the way he was brought up between his father being a coach and grandfather being a coach and with the people he was surrounded by at a young age this is all he knew. The reason why Belichick looks so serious all the time is because he was taught this at a young age. This is why he doesn’t talk with reporters that much and what he does say it “ We are on to cincinnati.” But if you were to try and talk just football with him he wouldn’t stop talking if you gave him the chance.

B)I received feedback from you stating.

Eric Drown 10:29 AM Nov 13- This could use quite bit more elaboration. There’s more to this quote and some parts of it aren’t easy to understand.

C) Below is a revised copy of the Coaching Discourse paper as seen in the copy I have elaborated more by using quotes and paraphrases. Not only did quotes help reorganize the paragraphs to flow better it gave the reader a better ability to understand the concept.

Gee believes, “You first need to be an apprentice of the Discourse, and spend time learning under a master of the Discourse” (7 ). To gain a better understanding of the Discourse to see what it takes to be where they are. Mastering a Discourse is very difficult to do at first. There are some things of a discourse that you cannot get at first. Gee says that “Discourses are connected with displays of identity:failing to fully display an identity tantamount to announcing you don’t have that identity, that at best you’re a pretender or beginner.”(9-10). In Bill Belichick’s case was acquiring the Discourse of being a coach as a kid every day by just being around football as much as he was. By the age of 6 he was attending Navy practices with his father who was a Coach at the time. Belichick was getting game reports after every game ,and study the plays so he could have an better understanding of them. At age 10 he was going to recruiting trips with his dad learning all about the recruiting process. At a young age, reasonability and wisdom was installed in him. With the information given to Belichick at such a young age, Gee would call this an example of primary Discourse, which is the first Discourse you learn. This is a reason why he is who he is today. He started being a coach and an appurtenance of one at a very young age like how appertains were in the medieval times. Belichick was taught the Discourse of being a coach at a young age and this is why he can wear that costume so well. Football is the way of life that Belichick knows. In a way Belichick was wearing the cut off hoodie at the age of six. The hoodie is the costume and how he acts and talks is part of the Discourse. Due to the fact that Bill Belichick was coaching at such a young age, the Discourse of coaching is his main Discourse and he lives and breathes it every day. By the time he was able to become a Coach he was more then ready for the task on hand. He had years of prior experience and practice. In Belichicks case he was surrounded by masters of his discourse his father was one of many of them. Due to the fact that his father was a coach most of his friends were also masters of the discourse of coaching. With this said the only thing Belichick could learn as a young man was coaching and the game of football. The social practices that Belichick was taught was to be respectful, grateful and to be responsible. He was taught this because this is the way he was brought up between his father being a coach and grandfather being a coach and with the people he was surrounded by at a young age this is all he knew. The reason why Belichick looks so serious all the time is because he was taught this at a young age. This is why he doesn’t talk with reporters that much and what he does say it “We are on to Cincinnati”. But if you were to try and talk just football with him, he wouldn’t stop talking if you gave him the chance.

D) As seen above the elaboration on the details of Discourse help organize the rest of the read. This not only gives the reader a clear cut view of the details it allows them to gain an better understanding of Occupational Discourse.

3) new body paragraphs

A) I added this paragraph to the Coaching Discourse draft to add a new body paragraph to the read

Acquiring a new Discourse is a very complex and difficult thing to do if you wish to master that Discourse. You first need to be an apprentice of that Discourse and spend time learning under a master of the Discourse and to understand what it takes to be where they are. Mastering a Discourse is very difficult to do at first. There are some things of a discourse that you cannot get at first.”Discourses are connected with displays of identity:failing to fully display an identity tantamount to announcing you don’t have that identity, that at best you’re a pretender or beginner.”(9-10) In Coaching you need respect in order to gain this respect you need to have experience at first Belichick did not have this like all young coaches do. Due to his young age of coaching it took time to earn not only his players respect but other coaches respect as well. Most Coaches won’t listen to some 20 year old telling them something. But in Belihcikcs case he has been around coaching since birth and he isn’t like the other ones he is the chosen one. Since Belichick is a beginner at the Discourse of Coaching he needs to learn quick or he will fall behind and can lose valuable information on that Discourse he will not be able to display the full discourse of Coaching at first due to his inexperience at it just like with everything else you are never the best at it the first attempt. This means that he was able to learn not only under his father but his friends aswell and other Coaches he had in his playing career. ‘He already knows so much . He’s like a coach ” (86). With this said Belichick is on the right path to becoming a master of the Coaching Discourse. At this moment Belichick gained more respect this is a very important part of his Coaching career even though he was told by some high school coach that “he already knows so much. He’s like a Coach.” this is proof that he is understanding the Discourse well and gaining trust, and respect within the Discourse of Coaching. This not only helped him learning the Discourse of Coaching but it helped his confidence due to the fact that a Coach said what he said when he said it. Coming from a former player and aspiring coach this would raise my confidence in myself by 100% if a master of the Coaching Discourse said something similar like this to me.

4) Improved sources use

B)This is a paragraph from my rough draft of the Coaching Discourse paper and after it is what you commented on it.

In Bill Belichick’s case was acquiring the discourse of being a coach as a kid every day by just being around football as much as he was. By the age of 6 he was attending Navy practices with his father who was a Coach at the time. Belichick was getting game reports after every game ,and study the plays so he could have an better understanding of them. At age 10 he was going to recruiting trips with his dad learning all about the recruiting process. At a young age reasonability and wisdom was installed in him.With the information given to Belichick at such a young age, Gee would call this an example of primary Discourse, which is the first Discourse you learn.

Commets: Eric Drown 10:32 AM Nov 13: Given the quote at the start of the paragraph, I’m expecting this example to be about what it’s like to be a beginner entering a Discourse and not being fluent. Beginners make mistakes, misinterpret things, and need help. Tell me a story about those kinds of things. That’s the kind of evidence that will fit here.

This is a piece from a body paragraph in the read: In the life of coaching you need to follow certain guidelines or you won’t fit into the Discourse and be ultimately be fired.To enter this Discourse you need to ask questions but also keep your nose down at the same time. You must speak and act with an attitude that perceives that you are demanding respect from the people you interact with In addition you need to be a busy bee by this I mean you are always growing relationships with people from the custodians to the security officers. networking and it is a huge factor in the coaching Discourse. Belichick is a perfect example of a follower of the guidelines.

C) As shown in the reading above my sources improved tremendously and not only did this help give the reader an insight to the beginning stages of a Discourse it helps connect the common idea between coaching and acquiring a new Discourse.

Learning Outcome 2 : Integrating Ideas With Others

Summary- The process of integrating ideas with others requires the ability to quoting,paraphasing and integrates them into a writing project.

1)Seeking quotes that are interesting, revealing, complicated or in need of discussion

‘He already knows so much. He’s like a coach” (86). Halberstam, 2005

A)This a quote from a body paragraph in the Coaching Discourse essay. This quote is revealing and can be used as a discussion topic as well. I chose this quote because it is a quote from Bill Belichick’s high school head coach from when he was a player. I knew this quote was revealing because it shows how much of the Discourse Belichick already understands and practices as a teenager. This is showing that he is learning from his master which is a key to learning a occupational Discourse.

2)Connecting ideas within and between paragraphs

A)This a chunk of the introduction from the Coaching Discourse paper.

A part of a body paragraph from the Coaching Discourse paper

This is proof that he is understanding the Discourse well and gaining trust, and respect within the Discourse of Coaching. This not only helped him learning the Discourse of Coaching but it helped his confidence due to the fact that a Coach said what he said when he said it. Coming from a former player and aspiring coach this would raise my confidence in myself by 100% if a master of the Coaching Discourse said something similar like this to me.

B) In the introduction I quoted that Gee believes “Mastering a Discourse is very difficult to do at first.” Later in the body paragraph it is proven that Belichick is starting to master the Discourse of Coaching. This is a clear example of connecting ideas within paragraphs

3)presenting textual evidence that confirms and complicates one’s claims

A)This piece of writing is from the Coaching Discourse paper that presents textual evidence that confirms and complicates my claim.

By the age of 6 he was attending Navy practices with his father who was a Coach at the time. Belichick was getting game reports after every game ,and study the plays so he could have an better understanding of them. At age 10 he was going to recruiting trips with his dad learning all about the recruiting process. At a young age, reasonability and wisdom was installed in him.

B) This is information that I used from “The Education Of A Coach By David Halberstam.” The complication of the example is shown by the age of the introduction of the Discourse of Coaching to Belichick. By this I mean that most occupational Discourse do not start out at the age of six like in Belichick’s case this is very uncommon in these times unlike the middle ages where you started your apprenticeship around age 12. I thought this would give the reader an insight to how in depth Belichick is in the Discourse of Coaching. This not only complicated my claim by showing how complex and confusing the Discourse of Coaching actually is it gives the reader an opportunity to sit back and gain a better understanding of how a true master of an Occupational Discourse starts out.

4) providing context for the specific passages being quoted or paraphrased

A)These sentences are from the 1st body paragraph in the Coaching Discourse paper . The context below helps the reader a better understanding of the quote. The importance of seriousness is not stressed enough in the Coaching Discourse. Belichick since birth was surrounded by very serious masters of the Coaching Discourse. With that said the mindset of being serious 100% of the time was installed at a young age. The quote is backed up by the seriousness of Belichick.

The social practices that Belichick was taught was to be respectful, grateful and to be responsible. He was taught this because this is the way he was brought up between his father being a coach and grandfather being a coach and with the people he was surrounded by at a young age this is all he knew. The reason why Belichick looks so serious all the time is because he was taught this at a young age. This is why he doesn’t talk with reporters that much and what he does say it “We are on to Cincinnati”. But if you were to try and talk just football with him, he wouldn’t stop talking if you gave him the chance.

5) making clear the boundaries between one’s own ideas/words and those if one’s sources

A)Below is a section from my introduction from the Coaching Discourse. This is a extremely clear boundary between my own idea and the idea of Gee’s

According to Gee, A Discourse is, the way you live, dress, act it’s everything you do in a certain group. A Discourse is a way of life. An occupational Discourse is how people act in a certain job inside that particular Discourse. You must learn different Discourses for the job you wish to get. As a result I argue that the most effective strategy for overcoming misjudgement by using related but incorrect secondary Discourse is to acquire a Mentor to help you stay focused and on task.

Learning Outcome 3: Active reading, Critical reading & Informal reading response

Summary- Marking text by highlighting, underlining or asking questions. They make connections between themes and follow the writers line of argument.

1)Marginal (or similar ) note-taking that shows a reader asking questions, understanding key concepts or examples,drawing relationships between parts of a text or across multiple text,challenging claims in a text

A)Below is an screenshot from my Gee/Occupational Discourse Synthesis Table. I used this table by taking notes on the Halberstam read. This table includes reader asking questions and drawing relationships between parts of the text.

In the saying (writing)-doing-being-valuing-believing combinations section of this table I drew the relationship of the the importance of practicing the Discourse that you are trying to enter according to Gee. The relationship between these two text is that Gee states; A Discourse is a way of life. I connected the obvious declaring that a young age Belichick was starting to live the Coaching Discourse way of life

2) Focused informal writing that shows a reader extending text or across multiple text, challenging ideas,exploring connections between text and or considering implications or specific passages for an idea

Discourses can be the difference between getting the job you want and working at Mcdonald’s flipping burgers for the rest of your life: It can be the difference between finding your future wife and being lonely for the rest of your life. Discourses simple come down to Black and white but, they make a lot of grey.

According to Gee, discourse is how people act, value things, and do things with different groups of people (6). For example, you wouldn’t talk to your boss the same way you would talk to your kid. I wouldn’t act the same way in a bar as I would act in the office. Discourses are like a costume they are interchangeable and with this costume comes with the character if you were to dress up as a cowboy for halloween you wouldn’t go around saying Arrgh!! Wheres me Booty? You would talk and act like a cowboy. This is how you act in discourses you follow along with what you’re in. For example when I am at football I am a completely different person then I am around my family and friends. As soon as I walk into the Athletic complex it is all business I am more serious then I am anywhere else. This is part of that discourse, my behavior is more serious than otherwise. This can also be completely flipped around depending on the discourse you are in at the moment. The way you speak,act, think, dress everything is depending on what discourse you are trying to be part of at the moment. With that said they can change rapidly if needed. Sometimes you are needed to be part of certain discourses for a very long time and this can either be good or bad.

Discourses give us the ability to not always be our truest self. It gives us the freedom to either persuade people or hide from others. You can get jobs from using discourse the right way. It gives you the ability to show off character and to use things differently. Discourses allow people to connect with people they usually wouldn’t connect with. Discourses are developed according to Gee by “Two Discourses can be transferred to another Discourse, as one can transfer a grammatical feature from one language to another. (9)” What Gee is explaining is that you learn discourses from one another you can transfer prior knowledge from one Discourse to the new Discourse you are attempting to master. For example when I was learning American Sign Language I was able to understand it better by connecting the signs with words and terms that I used every day. By doing this I allowed myself to understand the concept of the language.

What Gee believes is that Discourse is gained by experience and time. Over a lifetime you will learn different discourses, these can be also called costumes. And just like learned about costumes it takes time to learn them, how to act in them, and what ones mean what. With time and experience with older and wiser people you can acquire multiple discourses. Like most good things in life it takes time to acquire many discourses. In order to get good discourses you need to live life. You can’t be shy or be not around people and real life simulations you need to experience things in life. Gee argues that Discourse can not be simple taught in a classroom. You need to be in real life situations and have an “apprenticeship”(7) you learn from a master. Discourse can only be mastered by actually doing things, you can’t watch a video on how to fly an airplane and jump in one and hope for the best. In order to become mastery level of that discourse you need to learn the steps on how to fly a plane this can only be learned with hands on experiences and time.

A)This is my Gee prewriting that we did in class. I chose this text in particular due to the informal aspect it is given, and how it explores connections between text. This text also shows the reader extending text. The highlighted text (In Green) in the link are the examples of connections between text and the extension of text.

3)Presenting specific passages and ideas about those passages in small-group work, in an informal presentation to the class in a blog or elsewhere.

A) This is work that myself, Matt Cook and Brenden Walsh produced in class on December, 5th. The assignment was to identify the characteristics of Heroes, Victims and rebels.

Learning Outcome 4: Critique own and other’s work

Summary– The ability to evaluate own and peers writing to give feedback like idea for development, evidence organization and claims . Participation in peer review markup and identify problems by giving specific suggestions for revision.

1) Comments on drafts that address idea development, claims and evidence

A) Below is a screenshot from Sarah Gockel’s Literacy narrative that I helped peer revise in class.

2)Comments on drafts that offer specific suggestions for change

A)Below are screenshots of comments and text from Josh Perez’s Bill Belichick’s Discourse paper. We peer reviewed in class and out as well.

3)Discussion of a peer’s ideas include exploration of the ideas in the project, suggestions regarding implications, possible opportunities for extension.

A) Below is a screenshot of the comment I left on Josh Perez’s Bill Belichick’s paper. It is clearly stated that I believe that if more information on Belichick will give the reader a better understanding of the questions that were going be be asked and answered during the reading. This is an example of possible opportunity for extension.

4) Visible work after a draft that demonstrates efforts to clarify, to rework sections, and to rethink ideas

A) Below is the introduction to the Coaching Discourse draft.

Coaching Discourse

B) Below is the revised version of the introduction

Coaching Discourse

C) It can be shown all throughout the paper that I have taken in the feedback I have received from my peers and writing Coaches, and have rethought certain ideas. And visibly reworked sections.

5) Specific Revision plan

For my Coaching Discourse paper I did my revision plan with Professor Grumbling. We both read over the text together and shared what we thought of it. We decided that my body paragraphs needed for information and that my introduction needed to be structured better. For the body paragraphs to revise them I started to add the Combinations of speaking,dressing and acting within the Discourse, Challenges that a person might face when attempting to enter the occupation of Coaching and strategies on how to overcome these challenges.

Learning Outcome 5: Document work using appropriate conventions

Summary- The process of documenting source use. Modern language association (MLA)is the way we were instructed to use when documenting. In the MLA style, writers need to appropriately introduce their sources by using signal phasing and parenthetical citations. A works cited page should be part of the process as well.

Source introduction that are responsible to the source, located within the context of the writers project, and focused

A) Below is my introduction for the Coaching Discourse paper. The highlight part of the text is showing source introduction that’s located within the context of the project.

2) Signal parsing and reporting verbs that are varied in ways that suit one’s purpose and context

A) Below is an example of signal parsing from the Coaching Discourse paper that suits the purpose of the text.

Example 1 : According to Gee In order to not be shown as a fake or pretender, you need to follow the life guideline that you learn in your apprenticeship.

Example 2: There is a certain way of life you need to live to be a Coach. This certain way of life is an example of what James Paul Gee calls a Discourse.

3) In text citations that follow MLA parenthetical and punctuation format.

A) Below is a screenshot of in text citations that follow MLA parenthetical and punctuation format.

Learning Outcome 6: Control Individualized error patterns

Summary- Using the process of eliminating typos and writer errors. Proofreading is needed in the process in addition to that revision is required to complete the process. The writer also needs to practice using different sentence structures and name there common errors prior to starting a writing project.

1) Naming one’s common error types and identifying a plan to address those types

A) A common error type of mine is not properly organizing paragraphs so they flow and give the right information when needed. I plan on helping correct this flaw by organizing what I am going to write at first instead of just going at it and seeing what I produced.

2) Compound and complex sentences incorrectly punctuated or signaled in early drafts are corrected in final drafts

A) This is a sentence from a draft for my Coaching Discourse paper “ A Discourse is the way you live,dress,act it’s everything you do even when you think nobody is watching.”. When I reviewed this with Professor Grumbling we spent time on this particular sentence. Here is the revised version of this sentence . “This certain way of life is an example of what James Paul Gee calls a Discourse. According to Gee, A Discourse is, the way you live, dress, act it’s everything you do in a certain group.”.

3) Proofreading the yields final drafts with significantly fewer errors that appear in earlier drafts.

A) As shown in my final drafts there are significantly less errors than in earlier drafts.

ALL DRAFTS

Occupational Discourse https://docs.google.com/document/d/1A3-aP6urbF6UL8VcH_UF-0ToXwYMyzwuovI5YH9lij4/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eVf5nBcI5rkigzhfulthnagcavMBugYIg45LzFZnSHg/edit

Gee pre writings

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17DACqpn5hFgAP64mEaZtsfpA6shixhqEagoparokjBU/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FKPFXfanmCidom8V5gUTF4XbLEotXv7JivwO16HLDVU/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bQe7n3rVmi6oSted3luxzEVH4s-ggkzYfX67R6tMtQg/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fp2slOeHCHGoLEW2q4ViT5kzbKmMI5DpjQ7YiWaDz6M/edit

Literacy Narrative

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lRVvl9Q_f_bp0519bQiBW_YFSdbBYZ2CEQz_VBkE54g/edit

I just wanna be average 9/19/17

https://docs.google.com/document/d/173-tnvdCR874Hxf8srrquFinckC_Mgm5XzW8W-DucQw/edit

FWWA \https://docs.google.com/document/d/1k9RQsVKryoLAxVLev2bSOgJkXj0EEjMjN3TVskfzxSU/edit